


The Letter

by magos186



Category: The Mortal Instruments (Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Book 4: City of Fallen Angels, M/M, Post-Book 5: City of Lost Souls, Spoilers For Book 5: City of Lost Souls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 11:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21475432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magos186/pseuds/magos186
Summary: After his confrontation with Magnus, Alec writes him a letter.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Kudos: 17





	The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> I never wrote for this fandom, but that whole scene at the end of COLS between Alec and Magnus pissed me off and this was my response.  
Also, I'm tagging this as referencing the movie and city of fallen angels just because that's what my notes say. I honestly forgot about this. I just found it in a notebook from 6 years ago, which is when I wrote this. Let me know what you think.
> 
> P.S. I was not a fan of Shadowhunters or the casting of the Lightwood siblings. So my version of Magnus and Alec are the ones from the movie: Godfrey Gao and Kevin Zegers, who is a WAY better Alec than fricken Matthew Daddario.

_My Dearest Magnus,_  
  
_ I know you don't want to hear from me, so after this you won't. I thought you deserved an explanation and the truth. I first spoke to Camille the night Simon disappeared. Lilith had her prisoner. She, of course, manipulated me into freeing her. Why is it so hard for you to see that she manipulated me? Yes, we spoke of immortality. First she made me believe there was a way for me to become so without becoming a vampire. Then her story changed and she told me of the spell to take away yours. You seem to believe that I would just take it away behind your back. Do you not know me well enough to know I could never betray you like that? Clearly you don’t or we wouldn’t be in this position. I’d never take your life away Mag. It was just nice to know it was possible I guess. It was nice to dream you’d love me enough to one day give it up for me. When Clary did her rune trick in Idriss, you were the person that I saw. When I think of myself ten or twenty years into the future, if I survive the coming war, it’s with you by my side. When you were hurt in that last fight – my heart stopped. I couldn’t bear the thought of living in this world without you. I still can’t, which is why I’ve been shut up in my room in the dark for the past two weeks. _  
  
_ I went to kill her you know – Camille. After you left me, I went to kill her, but she was already dead. There was a too young, bloodthirsty fledgling over her corpse. I barely escaped that tunnel alive. I haven’t even healed my wounds yet. Physical pain is welcome at this point. _  
  
_ I wasn’t going to see her so I could steal your immortality. I was going to see her because I had no one else to talk to about you. I had no one else who knew you. And you may not see why the past is important, but it shaped you into who you are. You said once that if I ever wanted to know anything, all I had to do was ask. Well I have asked, but you always change the subject. Camille would actually tell me things about you. She wasn’t nice in the way she delivered the information, but I kept going back. It wasn’t just to learn more about you though. I felt bad for her. I didn’t see a deposed vampire queen or a bloodthirsty monster. I saw a lonely old woman with no one. Her and her manipulations had been pushing people away for so long tht she didn’t know how to interact normally anymore. And that made me think about you. You make it so impossible for anyone to get over your walls. You’re so afraid to le me in – to let me see all of you. You don’t trust me not to hurt you so you pushed me away before I could._  
  
_ That night you found me in the tunnel – I wasn’t going to see her about your immortality. I was never going to take it from you. I was going to tell her goodbye. I was going to tell her that I loved you and that I’d work on getting passed my insecurities because you’re worth it. I was going to tell her that I’d wait until you were ready to let me in, to talk about your life. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore._  
  
_ So here I sit, the room lit by a single witchlight as I write this. The physical pain I feel is nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I haven’t slept since that night. I haven’t eaten or trained. I know there's battle coming. I’ll allow myself a few more days to wallow in my misery before I use the rune to fix a broken heart – the most painful of all. I’ll heal my wounds and go back to being that closed off, numb warrior I was before I met you. Once this fight is done and Morgenstern is truly dead, I’m going to leave. Isabelle has Simon and Jace has Clary. Though he’s my parabatai, he doesn’t need me. Only then will I let the pain return. There is no moving on for me Magnus. You are the love of my life. I know I’m young and that you’re my first – everything. I just can’t picture my life with anyone but you. Goodbye my love. I hope you have a good life._  
  
_ Yours,_  
  
_ Alexander_


End file.
